My Transformation Story

When I was 13....I remember when I was in total despair. I didn't know my purpose. Why was I born. I felt the rejection at school. I was picked on. I felt that I was nothing. I remember coming home one day saying, I had it. I took this blade set and starting cutting my left arm. This was going on for 3 days. I remember on the 4th day I said as I put the blade to my wrist, "what's the point to this life?". I remember hearing this voice that I never heard before, "If you do this, I can't spent eternity with you." I remember saying, "I wonder who is this "voice"". I remember I started hearing someone calling my name....TJ (T JAAAAAAY) So naturally I asked my mother, yes mom, she said I didn't call you. I ask my father, nothing too. Back to my mother, my parrot who can sound like either one of them. My mom said no to that too. I was like "that's weird". But what alarmed me is that this happened several times. Then even with a friend around, "I'm like hold on, I think my mother is calling me or my dad is." A friend would say, "I didn't hear anything." He was the only one that befriend me cause he was hearing impaired just like me. He had better hearing then I did though. Anyway, I could not explain this anymore. I got anxious about this. Then I remember walking one day and this one lady giving me and my mother a bracelet. Orange with black lettering that says "Jesus love you". I thought it was cool to wear but thought nothing of it. But this happened the day after my friend got robbed, and then the next day I was suppose to be with him and he got jumped. I was like what? So, finally I got to hang out with him.

I remember trying to find out if he was real...but I was angry with God for not answering...but He was. Just not like I wanted Him to. So that's how I became an atheist. "He ain't real", "He won't even talk back to me...."

LOL, little did I know.

I remember this church in Maspeth, later coming to find out that it was an Assemblies of God church. I would just pass it by on my bike and say what was that. I felt like "energy" as I would call it, drawing me in. Like something was pulling me in like gravity.

As time goes by, I remember my mother says, we are gonna move. I remember thinking great, nice house, my room was in a garage that was like an apartment. I'm like yeah....this is gonna be good. Of course you knew what a 15 year old boy would be thinking with a "place to himself"would be thinking.

Then a only a couple months later, Easter 2001. My mother comes in unlocking my room with a key, and said, "get ready, we're going to church today". I'm like ahhhh, not another catholic bull crap". You get the picture. She said well, lets go so we can get these neighbors off our backs and that's it.

I remember I was like whatever. We got to church....I was like....this is different. I get in, and we were a lil early. But then everyone is standing, lifting their hands, singing and now I was sitting next to some pretty girls of the youth group and saying sure this I can get used too.

Didn't hear a word the pastor said. Honest to God. But then, that defining question. "If you were to die today, DO YOU KNOW that you would go to heaven?"

Remember, the blade at my wrist...."if you do this, I can't spend eternity with you".

Yeah, that got my attention. the moment everything didn't matter. What pretty girls. What problems. Why I"m here is about to be answered. A tap on my shoulder, I'll go with you if you want. I hesitated, I said OK.

I remember saying a prayer and meaning it. I felt this rush. Like I was being Born.......Again. Like a canal of life in me. WHAT WAS THAT?

I knew, this was it, the beginning of the answer I've been looking for.

I remember going into the parking lot and looking at my neighbor and saying to my mother. I'm never going back to the catholic church again. Didn't know any better saying that, but it was what it was.

So now, I'm going to church 3 times a week....Weds. and Fri. including to the Youth meetings. Plus I was playing baseball. Then I've noticed I lost my passion for it. It used to be a natural to me. I'm like this is so weird, I'm playing like a retard. What is happening? I remember being so confused about it. Then 6 weeks later, I hear from God, "You're gonna preach my word." I'm like "over my dead body. I said Pastors are broke!"

I wanted to be an ear doctor (audiologist) and as a back up, baseball player. God was like no.....well that is what it was. Then a man of God I never met, came up to me....."God called you to preach didn't he. I was like I never told a soul."

So then I knew.....

So here I was, 16, School, homework, baseball, then church. I didn't even come home. Then someone said "tell you what, go home, I'll pick you up so you can change and all, that way you don't worry about how you look or smell. I want you to be connected." I would be in the back but growing from the back. My neighbors....I would go over to their house every night and stay until it was late. Just to learn the bible. My mentors now.

But it was hard....2 months alone.

I would go and be ready and my parents wouldn't come. I would pray with my neighbor, Annette Grimaldi, she said "they'll come, watch"

I would bring the sermon tapes for her to listen and they just collected on top of the fridge never moving and collecting dust, as if I didn't noticed. Well the cussing started to diminish. The Cd and movies were broken. Enough was enough. I don't belong to the Devil.......

I remember the block party, finally my parents came. FREE FOOD....who would've thought. They came.

And the rest is history and the story cont. from there.

I've been in full time ministry for 10 years now, pursuing this in NYC now... and believing God to take me to the next step.